Strangest Christmas Ever. Sickness, colds, flus, far away from home, last minute shopping, no decorations except the tree, no Christmas events, no service to others, nothing pre-planned or slaved over, Peja so sick that he couldn’t even open presents (he asked to open them later when he felt better). Just not my usual Christmas!
I was feeling very alone, and sad, this morning. I went to Church with Ruth while everyone else stayed home and rested. As I partook of the bread and water in remembrance of my Savior , whose day this is, I was overcome with emotion. I cried, and cried, and cried. All I could think was of the blessed life I have been given. The rich and full life that mine is all year long. And although in that moment I was alone and sad, I knew that in reality I am never alone. I have my husband, my 2 lively children, siblings, parents, in-laws, grand parents, friends and just in general the ability to help and affect people. And most importantly, I remembered that I am never alone because I have HIM. I have the Savior of all mankind, who descended below all, and who knows how to succor all of my pains perfectly. I asked for forgiveness for being so selfish and thinking only of myself. I asked to remember always how blessed and full my life is, and I asked to feel His peace and spirit. Quickly I had a picture come to my head of our little Vrajich family (Ruth, Milan, Brane, Ilija, me, Peja and Sasha) caroling door to door tonight and asking the neighbors to join us. Then the neighbors grabbed their coats and said “yes!” let’s celebrate this beautiful Christmas day. Then we gathered around the community nativity scene, here in Crystal Lakes, in St. George, and sang Silent Night, Holy Night, All is Calm, All is Bright. I saw hearts who needed Christ turning to him, I saw lonely hearts filling with love and people, and I saw laughter, peace, smiles and tears. I saw a group of people, together worshiping the Savior.
I knew that I needed to do this. There were people that needed me, that were lonely tonight. So I resolved to listen, and make it happen. Well as I drove to a quick errand, I saw a few people along the road and asked them. They said, “that sounds lovely! I will see you there.” One of the ladies looked like she would cry and she called her mother as soon as I started to drive away to tell her how excited she was.
So I took care of my poor sick 4 year old, and my husband who began to come down with it too. I cooked dinner, cleaned up lots of Christmas messes, played with new toys and snuggled feverish bodies. Pretty soon it was 6:00 and I set out on my journey. My 18 month old and I started knocking on doors. “Do you want to come sing hymns with us by the nativity? I am gathering people from the community.” I asked with faith and excitement. I didn’t expect what I heard next, “no, it is too cold,” “no, I am not dressed right.” “no, we aren’t up to it,” “no, we are in the middle of dinner.” “no,” “no,” “no.” I got more and more discouraged, and pretty soon it was just me. Sasha and I went to one last house, and then we walked over to the nativity. It was one of those HUGE pretty white ones that has the palm leaf stable behind it, and landscape lights shining on it. As we walked toward it I started to cry. I was alone, still. I was trying to gather people so I wouldn’t feel alone, and so it would feel like Christmas, but here I was alone again. I just cried, and cried. And then I sang it, all by myself. I sang “Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright. Round yon virgin mother and child, holy infant so tender and mild, sleep in heavenly peace, sleep in heavenly peace. Silent night, holy night, son of God, loves pure light. Radient beams from thy holy face, with the dawn of redeeming grace, Jesus Lord at thy birth, Jesus Lord at thy birth. ” Then I recognized it. This nativity had only Mary, Joseph, Baby Jesus in a manger and a lamb. I thought that they might have been lonely that very important night. The little new family in the humble stable. Then I saw that baby, lying in the manger and I knew that they weren’t lonely. They had the precious son of GOD in their arms. They were not lonely, they were filled with love and the spirit, surrounded by angels, and I submit, even accompanied by Jesus’ Father - God himself. They were not alone. Then I walked to the side, and saw the stars and cried some more because I saw it. I saw a heart who needed Christ turning to him, I saw a lonely heart filling with love and angels, and I saw laughter, peace, smiles and tears. I saw a group of angels, me and Sasha together worshiping the Savior. It was everything I had pictured, just different. I realized that I could never really be alone, and my heart was so full.
This very different Christmas has been perfect. Because I have been so alone that I HAD to remember Christ. The Savior, whose day this is, has made this a perfect Christmas.
I love you. Merry Christmas.
I was feeling very alone, and sad, this morning. I went to Church with Ruth while everyone else stayed home and rested. As I partook of the bread and water in remembrance of my Savior , whose day this is, I was overcome with emotion. I cried, and cried, and cried. All I could think was of the blessed life I have been given. The rich and full life that mine is all year long. And although in that moment I was alone and sad, I knew that in reality I am never alone. I have my husband, my 2 lively children, siblings, parents, in-laws, grand parents, friends and just in general the ability to help and affect people. And most importantly, I remembered that I am never alone because I have HIM. I have the Savior of all mankind, who descended below all, and who knows how to succor all of my pains perfectly. I asked for forgiveness for being so selfish and thinking only of myself. I asked to remember always how blessed and full my life is, and I asked to feel His peace and spirit. Quickly I had a picture come to my head of our little Vrajich family (Ruth, Milan, Brane, Ilija, me, Peja and Sasha) caroling door to door tonight and asking the neighbors to join us. Then the neighbors grabbed their coats and said “yes!” let’s celebrate this beautiful Christmas day. Then we gathered around the community nativity scene, here in Crystal Lakes, in St. George, and sang Silent Night, Holy Night, All is Calm, All is Bright. I saw hearts who needed Christ turning to him, I saw lonely hearts filling with love and people, and I saw laughter, peace, smiles and tears. I saw a group of people, together worshiping the Savior.
I knew that I needed to do this. There were people that needed me, that were lonely tonight. So I resolved to listen, and make it happen. Well as I drove to a quick errand, I saw a few people along the road and asked them. They said, “that sounds lovely! I will see you there.” One of the ladies looked like she would cry and she called her mother as soon as I started to drive away to tell her how excited she was.
So I took care of my poor sick 4 year old, and my husband who began to come down with it too. I cooked dinner, cleaned up lots of Christmas messes, played with new toys and snuggled feverish bodies. Pretty soon it was 6:00 and I set out on my journey. My 18 month old and I started knocking on doors. “Do you want to come sing hymns with us by the nativity? I am gathering people from the community.” I asked with faith and excitement. I didn’t expect what I heard next, “no, it is too cold,” “no, I am not dressed right.” “no, we aren’t up to it,” “no, we are in the middle of dinner.” “no,” “no,” “no.” I got more and more discouraged, and pretty soon it was just me. Sasha and I went to one last house, and then we walked over to the nativity. It was one of those HUGE pretty white ones that has the palm leaf stable behind it, and landscape lights shining on it. As we walked toward it I started to cry. I was alone, still. I was trying to gather people so I wouldn’t feel alone, and so it would feel like Christmas, but here I was alone again. I just cried, and cried. And then I sang it, all by myself. I sang “Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright. Round yon virgin mother and child, holy infant so tender and mild, sleep in heavenly peace, sleep in heavenly peace. Silent night, holy night, son of God, loves pure light. Radient beams from thy holy face, with the dawn of redeeming grace, Jesus Lord at thy birth, Jesus Lord at thy birth. ” Then I recognized it. This nativity had only Mary, Joseph, Baby Jesus in a manger and a lamb. I thought that they might have been lonely that very important night. The little new family in the humble stable. Then I saw that baby, lying in the manger and I knew that they weren’t lonely. They had the precious son of GOD in their arms. They were not lonely, they were filled with love and the spirit, surrounded by angels, and I submit, even accompanied by Jesus’ Father - God himself. They were not alone. Then I walked to the side, and saw the stars and cried some more because I saw it. I saw a heart who needed Christ turning to him, I saw a lonely heart filling with love and angels, and I saw laughter, peace, smiles and tears. I saw a group of angels, me and Sasha together worshiping the Savior. It was everything I had pictured, just different. I realized that I could never really be alone, and my heart was so full.
This very different Christmas has been perfect. Because I have been so alone that I HAD to remember Christ. The Savior, whose day this is, has made this a perfect Christmas.
I love you. Merry Christmas.
Note: I didn't edit this, I am just journaling. So please excuse any spelling/grammar/sentence errors.
