Tuesday, October 28th in the evening I was making dinner and for the whole hour of dinner prep (4-5 PM) I had very consistent and noticeable contractions. They made me stop every few minutes and breathe. By dinner time I was hardly able to eat and was needing to really concentrate through contractions. I left my husband and the boys to do clean up and I went to my room to labor. I had about 1.5 hours of super consistent contractions and I was pretty sure that labor was starting. That made me so excited! I might get to meet my baby tonight! I drank a really tall glass of water and laid down on my bed to see if they would go away. I wasn't able to lay through the contractions, I'd have to get up and move my hips, but slowly the contractions started spacing out more and more. And by a few hours later they had completely stopped. I was super frustrated and cranky because I had already prepared myself to go into baby mode and now I had to think about actually getting my crap together to do by "busy day" (Wednesday).

So Wednesday came and I had to be up early to get ready for commonwealth (our home school cooperative). Very grudgingly I got ready for the day (without the groceries I was supposed to shop for the night before). I had commonwealth, a house to clean, 2 hours of time to spend helping at the church and then book club hosted at my house. It was a full day! And I had only my normal Braxton-Hicks contractions the entire day. I was fairly cranky about the fact that I didn't have my baby yet.

Thursday, October 30th. In the morning I woke up determined to forget about having a baby any time soon. We went early to Walmart to stock up on lots of food. I hauled my 3 crazy boys by myself and filled an entire cart full of groceries, and every so often I'd have to stop to have another contraction. I ignored them of course, but it was exhausting! We unloaded groceries, cleaned and then I started cooking. Again, I was having many contractions that I had to stop for, but I refused to think one thought about being in labor or having a baby. I kept cooking and we had lunch and then my friend brought her two little boys over for me to babysit. When she dropped them off at 2:00 my contractions were taking a lot of concentration again. While she was gone they got a lot more intense. Her sweet boys asked me to do things for them a few times while I was having contractions and I couldn't even respond to them! Poor things probably thought I was just ignoring them. Finally I went into my bathroom because they were hurting to badly and I heard her in my house. By the time she had returned shortly before 3:30 I told her that I was sorry I was MIA, I was just having serious contractions. The next few times I started to need Ilija to squeeze my hips and that was the first time I actually allowed myself to think that this MIGHT be labor. But I really had a hard time believing it.

But by 4:00 I knew that I had to do something because I needed Ilija's help. I had Ilija's mom come pick up the boys and asked him to fill up the tub and I texted my midwife. I continued to labor in my bathroom and had contractions every few minutes that required someone to squeeze my hips. My husband was working on a critical deadline for our lawyer so the midwife assistants actually did a lot of the squeezing. He kept coming in to check on me and I would shoo him out again (I didn't want to get slammed with thousands of dollars in sanctions again. Stupid lawsuit. Avoid one at all costs people.) Anyway, between contractions I had to sit down or lay down and get my foot up because my varicose veins were making my ankle throb (even though I had my compression hose on.)

I labored like that for a while, sometimes in my bedroom and sometimes in my bathroom while the tub was filling up. At one point I asked the midwife, "do you think this is really labor?" She said yes. Soon I had two really strong contractions that felt like they added lots of pressure. I didn't want to hope that she was moving into the birth canal, but the thought crossed my mind. I kept wondering how many more hours this would be because I hadn't really felt the out of control feeling that I get in transition where I really think there is no way that I can do it.

Then on the next contraction I felt like I wanted to bear down, and the contraction was really hard to get through. I checked to see if I could feel the baby's head and I did. So I took of my clothes and got into the tub. I had that panicky, out of control feeling and I just wanted to bear down. So I pushed one time while squatting and then turned over to my back. I was leaning back against the wall of the birth tub and with three or four pushes she was out. I supported my perineum and they helped me to breathe through the contractions so that I could push a little slower than I wanted to. Before I knew it her head was out, I checked for a cord around her neck and then another push and her shoulders were out. What a relief!

I pulled that little purple/blue floppy baby up to my chest and immediately started crying. I said hi to her a few times and rubbed her back a bit and she made her first little half cry. And then I realized I should check to see if it was actually a girl (we had all had dreams that it was really a boy).  I pulled up her leg and sure enough! Then I really cried.

The midwife was saying that she needed to get some more sounds out of her and was about to start patting her back when she gave a big loud cry. It is always so awesome when you hear them using their lungs.

It was 6:10 when she arrived. Only 3 hours after my friend picked up her kids from my house, only 40 minutes after I asked if it I was really in labor, and only 4 minutes after I started pushing.

The placenta disconnected so I had to stay in the tub and push it out before I could get out. I pushed out the placenta and then we got out of the tub. I went to the bed and Ilija took the baby plus placenta to the bed. I brought her to my chest and let her have some skin time. She immediately started rooting around and latched on for a nice long nursing session. When she was done nursing they took her so that they could cut the cord, weigh her and do the little newborn check. She was healthy as can be. 7 lbs. 6 oz. - my smallest baby. I was so happy to bring her back to my arms.

The boys are smitten with this little one, and they are super excited that I have my lap back and can snuggle. Ilija is really obsessed; he just wants to sit all day long staring at her. Which, truthfully, is what I do.



This recovery has been the best I've ever had, but I'm still trying to lay low and rest so that I can recover quickly. This baby recovery and letting other people do everything sure does put my controlling-ness to the test. And reminds me at how terrible I am at asking people to do things for me.

My favorite moment came the day after she was born and all 4 of my men helped get me lunch. Peja (6) made me a  smoothie (which was actually delicious), Ilija made me food, Sasha (4) filled up my water cup and Misha (2) helped clear up the trash. They were so cute serving their mama and helping me to stay in bed. My heart just filled with joy at the full home we have. It doesn't always have that feeling (sometimes I just want peace) but the majority of the time I feel so grateful for these precious humans that we get to enjoy for a little moment. When I had a 2 year old and 5 month old I wrote that I was worried I would get through life and never have enjoyed the moments with my family. I decided that one of the things that would make my life a success when I look back at the end of it, would be to say that I had soaked up the joy and energy of a home full of kids. I think I am pretty good at that sometimes. SOMETIMES. I'm still working on it, but that is great. So is life. :)