Scary Day

4:22 AM

So, It is 3:30 AM and here I am typing on a laptop in the dark. The baby woke up to nurse and now my mind is playing the last 24 hours over and over in my head and I can't sleep. I hope that writing this will help me to be able to sleep.

Last month we all got that flu going around. The one that lasts forever and feels terrible. As usual, Ilija was the last to get it. And he was complaining a lot about it (also as usual)! But then last Saturday he started to have some different symptoms. And by Tuesday he had a weird combination of symptoms so we took him in to the doctor. It didn't look like the flu anymore. He didn't have a fever, but he was SUPER weak. He couldn't eat more than a bite or drink more than a few sips. He was gaining weight even though he hadn't eaten in 4 days, except for a few apple slices. He hadn't had any BM's, his abdomen felt really bloated. He had a horrible, strong, non-productive cough. He could only take shallow breaths without needing to cough. And his blood pressure was normal (which is weird because it is usually high)

The doctor said his lungs were clear, his heart sounded great (except really fast), and there were no blockages in his intestines.

He was sent home with antibiotics (I'm still trying to figure out what those were for), a nasal spray for his chronic sinusitis, and a promise that he would be getting a call from a nephrologist. (They thought it might be related to his kidneys since he has IgA Nephropathy - a kidney auto-immune disease).

His cough kept getting worse. And he kept saying "something isn't right." And I kept telling him to buck up, this flu just lasts a long time, "you are fine!"

Then by Wednesday night he told me his heart was beating weird. I felt his chest and his heart was definitely palpitating and beating super weird. I tried taking his pulse and there wasn't even close to a regular rhythm. That scared me a little bit. But then I read that palpitations are usually no problem - they can be caused by stress, anxiety, caffeine, etc. So we went to bed. At 5:00 AM Thursday morning he woke me up because his coughing was so bad. I tried to get him to tell me if he wanted to go to the hospital, but he couldn't figure it out.

He hadn't slept well in days, he couldn't breath very well, he had no energy and could barely walk his body was so tired. Finally I realized he had shallow breathing and weird heart stuff and decided that was enough to warrant an ER visit. So, at 7:00 am I left the boys here with my mom (who is in town visiting THANKFULLY! Gift #1) and took the babe with us.

We walked in and told them, "shortness of breath and heart palpitations" and BAM! he was on a wheelchair and getting taken back for a full workup. Within 30 minutes he had had a chest x-ray, an EKG, a full blood panel, a urinalysis, and a nose swab. The only thing weird at this point was that his heart rate was really high, and when they did the chest X-ray I saw the picture pull up on the screen and his heart looked really big.



We learned what the magic words were for getting something done in the ER! At this point we were still laughing and joking with the nurses. I thought for sure we would be out soon.

He felt better being monitored. And so did I truthfully.

They decided to admit him to the hospital and keep an eye on his heart while we waited to meet with the nephrologist (Kidney doctor).

We went upstairs to the cardiac unit and hung out in his room. He was feeling much better already, and we were just sitting around chatting. I thought for sure we would be out by the afternoon.

I love this picture.



So, since we were just sitting around waiting, I decided to go home and help my mom with the boys for a bit. At one point while I was at home I was on the phone with him and he said, "hold on they need to stick me for some more blood," and he set the phone down. I heard the tech say "I'm sorry I have to poke you again buddy!" And then I heard them ask him "Do you need a rag for your forehead," "Ilija are you okay?" "Ilija can you tell me what is happening?" And I could hear him breathing really heavy. And then the phone hung up.

I called back about 10 minutes later and the nurse in a voice that is meant to help you try not to freak out said, "has your husband ever had a seizure before?" 

WHAT? NO!

sweet voice again, "we just had a bit of an incident here. We think he had a seizure. He is okay right now. He is awake." 

WHAT? 

So, I tried to calmly give my boys hugs and get the baby and get in the car and drive and not crash.

But the whole drive there the adrenaline is starting up something fearsome. What is going on?

I got to the hospital and the nurse tells me how he was sitting in the chair to get his blood drawn and he vomited, passed out, went rigid, started tremoring, his heart slowed and then stopped for 6 seconds!, and then he woke up and aspirated some of his vomit, and blah blah blah. OH MY GOSH! (I didn't know this yet, but this was gift #2)

I held my sweetheart's hand and he was a mess. He couldn't speak he was so wiped out, he still had grossness on him but didn't have enough energy to let them change him. He couldn't smile. And worst of all he looked TERRIFIED. His eyes scared me the most. They were scared and in pain. I never want to see those eyes again. 

The only thing he could tell me was "I don't want you to leave me alone here again." 

So then the long wait started. Him coughing, the nurse checking in, him squeezing my hand, me with the baby in the carrier standing by his bed just holding his hand. No talking, just waiting. We were both scared to death. 

We thought we were waiting until 3:00 to meet the nephrologist. 

There wasn't any more picture taking going on. 

They came in and cleaned him up and I watched as my 34 year old husband aged 50 years. They did a bed change on him like we do for our elderly at the facility in California! Wow that is humbling. And scary. And I never want to see that again either.

So we continued to wait. He was so tired, and was starting to doze, but that scared him. He asked me to go ask the nurse if it was okay if he took a nap. I walked out to the station and sitting at the desk is an excellent man that we know from church that Ilija has always told me is such a cool guy. I didn't know he worked there!  (This is gift #3) He came in to chat with us, and it felt really great to see a familiar face. 

Then an ultrasound tech came in. I love that ultrasound tech. She finally got us the answer we needed. (gift #4)

She started the ultrasound on his heart and I immediately knew something was wrong. His heart did NOT look like it should. It was beating so weird. It looked like it was just wiggling around. It didn't have the normal, rhythmic, beat. The tech walked immediately out to the hallway to inquire about the cardiologist. That was my second clue. 

So after about ten minutes of this the nurse pulls me out to the hall. Third clue. He says "your husband has a very large about of fluid around his heart. It is very serious because it isn't allowing his heart to pump. We are getting the cardiologist up here now and we will be taking him into an immediate procedure to remove the fluid." What? What? WHAT? I thought he had a cough. I thought he had a kidney issue. I thought that being in the cardiac area was weird. My mind was so overwhelmed. 

The cardiologist was there in minutes, he checked a few more things and he said meet me in the cath lab for the procedure. 

Having Steve there from church was so awesome because he was able to show us more clearly what was going on and give us more details about the procedure and it felt really awesome to have someone really patiently explaining so much to us. It calmed both of us as much as we could be calmed.

Then the nurses walked in to take Ilija down to the cath lab and (gift #5) the first one that walks in is another guy from church that we LOVE. Kevin was Misha's nursery teacher for a little while and it was the only time he has ever stayed in nursery alone. I think he is more partial to men, but I also think this guy is awesome. His giant smile and how he just gets down on the floor and starts zooming cars. (Kevin and Julie have a special display window for a leg lamp. I don't think I need to say more.) I don't know what it was about him that Misha loved to so much, but I felt that same thing when he walked smiling into our room to get my sweetheart for surgery. I was so grateful for another familiar face - and especially one that we love so much! 

So this procession walks down to the surgery areas. And I am fully shaky by this point. I feel confused, overwhelmed, scared, blah, blah, blah. I give my sweetheart a kiss and go to the waiting room. He is terrified too. But he just wants to get it over with. They say that it will give him immediate relief. 

So I go to the waiting room. Steve (the first guy from church) waits with me until my in-laws get there (gift #6 - he wouldn't leave me alone there to wait for Ilija.) It wasn't long - maybe 45 minutes? - and Kevin comes in to tell us the procedure went well and Ilija is smiling again. He goes back in to finish up and another span of time later they say he is done and we can go see him. They take us back to the cath lab and we get to go give him a kiss. 

Then we had to go around to the ICU and wait for him to be ready again. 

Anyway, when I finally got to see him in the ICU he was able to talk again, and he could breath, and he wasn't coughing. He could smile, and joke and I felt about 1000% better. 

But the baby wasn't allowed there, so I had to go home. 

So I wandered through the parking lot and found the car and drove and cried and got home to my 3 precious boys and my mom and I felt like I could never waste my life again because HOLY COW it is fragile. 

There are so many details I'm missing (I know how could that be since I wrote a book already), and so many wonderful people that came to help and called and texted and I couldn't even tell them something coherent because my brain is mush and my neck is tense and I STILL feel like the adrenaline won't stop. 

He is doing way better, but he isn't out of the woods. He will be in ICU for a few days while they monitor drainage and hopefully find some answers.

If you are wondering what you can do, I have no idea. Except this - PRAY (or send happy thoughts, or believe, or whatever jives with you) that 1. the drainage stops and that 2. we can find the answers we need quickly about WHY the fluid built up in the first place and that 3. Ilija can come home soon and that 4. the underlying issue can be fixed easily. 

Sorry if that was WAYYY too much information. But I know a lot of people have been asking what is going on, and I just don't have the strength to tell each of you. I love you, and thank you for checking in on us, and I can't tell you how thoroughly I feel supported right now. I will let you know if I think of something. 








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4 comments

  1. Hey there Katie. First, I will definitely pray wth everyone. Thanks for sharing. You have actually been in my mind lately. Second, I really do miss your face and your great smile. I hope all goes as best as it can. Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Katrina Brinkley(Black)January 16, 2015 at 7:06 PM

    I know exactly how you feel. My hubby just had a heart attack and his dad just died. We are super wrecks here! I am praying you and your family. I hope he gets better soon.

    Katrina

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am praying for you Katie! What an awful, scary experience. It looks like things are moving in the right direction now. So grateful!

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  4. Dear Katie,
    Your blog brought tears to my eyes. What a scarey time you have had. I'm so glad that ilija is getting stronger. Your beautiful family is in my prayers.

    Sending you lots of love and hugs.

    Love Lori & John Klingberg
    xoxo

    ReplyDelete

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