These are notes to my future self. Things I need to remember.

2. Life is fragile. None of us knows at all which day will be our last. It sounds seriously cliche, but it is 100% true! Crap happens. Enjoy the wonderful people you have in your life. Laugh more, love more, accept more, recognize the truly beautiful gift it is to have air in your lungs and someone to smile with. 

3. When you are in the hospital, or dealing with any health challenge, be proactive! Don't think that just because you aren't a doctor you don't know anything. Point out the things that you feel like are wrong over and over and over. Pay attention to every test. Ask lots of questions. Be a squeaky wheel! All of these wonderful medical professionals are just human - and they have to weed through lots of information. I will never be passive about it again. I should have spoken up as soon as I saw the heart in the x ray. I should have started asking questions immediately. I shouldn't have let it wait until Ilija had a seizure and his heart STOPPED for them to order an ultrasound. 

4. When people are going through something emergent and crazy they have no idea what they want/need! They are probably totally confused and foggy brained. So don't ask! Just figure out something specific, ask for permission to do it, and then do it. (I still have no idea what to tell people who ask me right now)

5. We are not doing this life thing alone. I live in a freaking awesome place. Between family and friends I have amazing support. I never want to forget that feeling. Last night I felt so weak, like I could barely hold myself in the standing position. And as I was driving home it felt like there were awesome people in a circle around me holding me up. Community makes an amazing difference. Why do we only feel okay being supported like this when there are medical emergencies? Why can't we be okay with accepting help with financial emergencies, mental/emotional emergencies, relationship emergencies? Why are those so hush/hush - like we need to do them alone?